Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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