God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
