are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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