so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
