Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
