Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he wants to bone in the snuggie
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Pants are for mortals
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
