I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
