There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
