you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
why do cheetos always look like penises
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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