and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
