Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
