i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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