Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
