Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I feel great
I just peed on a car
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
