alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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