If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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