somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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