Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
