I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
