Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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