Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize