I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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