i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
There r osticjed everywhere
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize