My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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