We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
