I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
