woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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