Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
