You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
