So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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