May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
