Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
sarcasm needs its own font
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I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
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The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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