True but thats because hes a fetus.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
