I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
