I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
