dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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