I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
