he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
