Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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