he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
