I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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