How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
