Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
