Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
