Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
