God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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