K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
i need some magic done to my vagina
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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