guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
