I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
