I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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