I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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