and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
