i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
