We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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