I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
