Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
