Ambien. No doubt about it.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
