Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
