did you get engaged???
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
