I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize
