so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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