so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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