Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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