i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize