I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
