Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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